"I bet you are glad it is all over" - a woman I don't know said to me today.
I thought to myself, "this really isn't over" but spared her the details. I just smiled and said, "it has been a long road".
Monday night I barely slept thanks to my latest expansion. You do not realize how much you use your pectoral muscles until you have had the balloons that are placed underneath them filled with water.
In the middle of the night I popped a few pain pills and lay in bed until morning.
On Tuesday I could barely keep my eyes open on the way to work. Somehow I made it through a 4 hour meeting without revealing my mental state (which was zonkered).
By 1pm I realized the world would be a better place if I just drove my car home, put on some pj's and crawled into bed. At 1:30 I was in bed and did not get out until this morning.
So much for being over.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Day 217 - plastic
My plastic surgeon irritated me to no end today.
I have been going to him weekly for the last month. Today was to be my last fill. My surgery is scheduled for December 22nd. Radiation begins in January.
And he looked at me like this was all news to him.
Which I guess it was since my last appointment was with his nurse, and apparently she did not really update my chart very well.
At one point he asked me how many cc's I had in my expanders. I looked at him and answered, "I hope you know, because I do not have the foggiest idea."
I think I may have gotten my nurse into trouble. Bossman was not pleased.
Needless to say I received another "fill", my sternum feels like it is being cracked in half and I get the pleasure of doing it all over again next week.
We are still on track for surgery on the 22nd. I am counting the minutes.
I am also contemplating posting a photo of my bubbies in transition.
My worries are as follows:
1. It will freak some of you out.
2. It will not freak some of you out.
3. It will freak me out.
I have been going to him weekly for the last month. Today was to be my last fill. My surgery is scheduled for December 22nd. Radiation begins in January.
And he looked at me like this was all news to him.
Which I guess it was since my last appointment was with his nurse, and apparently she did not really update my chart very well.
At one point he asked me how many cc's I had in my expanders. I looked at him and answered, "I hope you know, because I do not have the foggiest idea."
I think I may have gotten my nurse into trouble. Bossman was not pleased.
Needless to say I received another "fill", my sternum feels like it is being cracked in half and I get the pleasure of doing it all over again next week.
We are still on track for surgery on the 22nd. I am counting the minutes.
I am also contemplating posting a photo of my bubbies in transition.
My worries are as follows:
1. It will freak some of you out.
2. It will not freak some of you out.
3. It will freak me out.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Day 216 - My December
I have been remiss in telling you all about my appointment with the radiologist.
For starters, while under the influence of radiation you get your own parking spot. Before my appointment I was sent a parking pass that allows me front row (mayors spot!) parking every day.
Membership has its privileges.
Doug and I were happy that our Dr. seems to poses the top three things I desire in a medical professional.
1. A positive attitude.
When I made some reference to being, "sick" he looked me dead in the eye and said, "your not sick".
2. A family.
He asked if we had kids, when I said yes, and told him the ages, he said, "me too, except I am about 10 years further down the line than you".
3. Credentials
Did his residency at the Mayo Clinic. Been in the radiation business for over two decades.
Radiation starts with an appointment at the end of December to get my position right and set up the machines that will beam their poisonous light at me. Once the position is found (this can apparently take an hour or two) the nurse will actually tattoo the beam targets on my skin.
Once we get this whole thing started I have to go everyday, Monday - Friday for 6 weeks. I will have a great alibi for any crimes committed outside of the state of Oregon I suppose.
Until then, I will stretch one more time, receive another dose of herceptin, have an echo cardio gram, have surgery to do the expander/implant exchange, take my vitamins and tamoxifen everyday, and celebrate Christmas.
d
For starters, while under the influence of radiation you get your own parking spot. Before my appointment I was sent a parking pass that allows me front row (mayors spot!) parking every day.
Membership has its privileges.
Doug and I were happy that our Dr. seems to poses the top three things I desire in a medical professional.
1. A positive attitude.
When I made some reference to being, "sick" he looked me dead in the eye and said, "your not sick".
2. A family.
He asked if we had kids, when I said yes, and told him the ages, he said, "me too, except I am about 10 years further down the line than you".
3. Credentials
Did his residency at the Mayo Clinic. Been in the radiation business for over two decades.
Radiation starts with an appointment at the end of December to get my position right and set up the machines that will beam their poisonous light at me. Once the position is found (this can apparently take an hour or two) the nurse will actually tattoo the beam targets on my skin.
Once we get this whole thing started I have to go everyday, Monday - Friday for 6 weeks. I will have a great alibi for any crimes committed outside of the state of Oregon I suppose.
Until then, I will stretch one more time, receive another dose of herceptin, have an echo cardio gram, have surgery to do the expander/implant exchange, take my vitamins and tamoxifen everyday, and celebrate Christmas.
d
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Day 215 - togetherness
My little family of five spent every waking hour together from Wednesday afternoon to now. We slept in the same room, we ate every meal, swam for hours, and played a lot of UNO.
It has been fantastic.
I told a friend last night that it was really important for the kids to see me as a full, physical participant in our lives. When you go through a medical crisis, and your tribe encircles you, it is also important for each tribe member to step back and enjoy a little normalcy.
For us it was a short trip to a great place in wine country called the Allison Inn. This is where Doug and I retreated to just before my surgery, and it was the perfect place for all of us to do some healing together.
You should be proud of the Eikenkids. They sat through the 5 course Thanksgiving feast with little complaint. No spilled drinks, tears, or kids menus. They told us what they were thankful for (daddy and mama were on the top of the lists, followed by each other), and they ate most of their food.
Harper and Harris deemed their first Shirley Temples the best part of the meal. Graham and I thought the brussel sprouts were dreamy, and Doug loved it all.
Our Thanksgiving night ended in the best way possible. All 5 of us, laying in a big bed, fire going, and The Charlie Brown Thanksgiving on TV for a night cap.
We are home now, back in Portland. Woken from our dream state with the following piece of mail.
A summons for Jury Duty.
Addressed to me.
H+D
It has been fantastic.
I told a friend last night that it was really important for the kids to see me as a full, physical participant in our lives. When you go through a medical crisis, and your tribe encircles you, it is also important for each tribe member to step back and enjoy a little normalcy.
For us it was a short trip to a great place in wine country called the Allison Inn. This is where Doug and I retreated to just before my surgery, and it was the perfect place for all of us to do some healing together.
You should be proud of the Eikenkids. They sat through the 5 course Thanksgiving feast with little complaint. No spilled drinks, tears, or kids menus. They told us what they were thankful for (daddy and mama were on the top of the lists, followed by each other), and they ate most of their food.
Harper and Harris deemed their first Shirley Temples the best part of the meal. Graham and I thought the brussel sprouts were dreamy, and Doug loved it all.
Our Thanksgiving night ended in the best way possible. All 5 of us, laying in a big bed, fire going, and The Charlie Brown Thanksgiving on TV for a night cap.
We are home now, back in Portland. Woken from our dream state with the following piece of mail.
A summons for Jury Duty.
Addressed to me.
H+D
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving - thanks for giving
Cancer survivors have a lot to be thankful for. Each day tastes a little better the further away we get from that initial diagnosis.
For me it always comes back to family. And mine is pretty big.
My family. The one I was born into. I would choose each and every one of them if given the chance. My mom, my sisters, my aunts, my uncles, and cousins.
My family. The one I married into. I would do it all over again just to have you in my life. My in laws, my brother and sisters in law, and a great bunch of nephews and nieces. The east coast Eikenberry's.
My family. The one I collected. Friends that I have had since I was my children's age, friends I made on the softball field, the basketball court, the volleyball court. Friends that were Doug's first, then became mine forever.
My family. My brothers and sisters of the same or another cancer. You are welded into my heart. I carry you, and your stories with me everywhere I go.
My family. Graham. The boy who made me a mother. Who came into this world so easily that I thought it would be a good idea to just keep adding to the klan. The boy who everyday reminds us of both his grandfathers.
My family. Harper. The little girl who reminds me so much of myself. The little girl who is a gamer, ready for anything. The little girl that takes me to places I have never been before with her imagination.
My family. Harris. The little boy who I knew was missing from our family the day Harper was born. The free spirit of the family. The little boy who makes us laugh and shake our heads simultaneously.
My family. Doug. I had no idea. His lifeline tugs me back up whenever the tide tries to pull me away. He is my best friend. A better friend to me than I am to him. He is patient when my bossiness gets out of control. When we promised in sickness and in health I don't think either of us thought we would be here today.
We don't break promises.
My promise, to all of you, is to continue to love an appreciate all of it. The highs and the lows. For this is life. And I am thankful for every moment of it
For me it always comes back to family. And mine is pretty big.
My family. The one I was born into. I would choose each and every one of them if given the chance. My mom, my sisters, my aunts, my uncles, and cousins.
My family. The one I married into. I would do it all over again just to have you in my life. My in laws, my brother and sisters in law, and a great bunch of nephews and nieces. The east coast Eikenberry's.
My family. The one I collected. Friends that I have had since I was my children's age, friends I made on the softball field, the basketball court, the volleyball court. Friends that were Doug's first, then became mine forever.
My family. My brothers and sisters of the same or another cancer. You are welded into my heart. I carry you, and your stories with me everywhere I go.
My family. Graham. The boy who made me a mother. Who came into this world so easily that I thought it would be a good idea to just keep adding to the klan. The boy who everyday reminds us of both his grandfathers.
My family. Harper. The little girl who reminds me so much of myself. The little girl who is a gamer, ready for anything. The little girl that takes me to places I have never been before with her imagination.
My family. Harris. The little boy who I knew was missing from our family the day Harper was born. The free spirit of the family. The little boy who makes us laugh and shake our heads simultaneously.
My family. Doug. I had no idea. His lifeline tugs me back up whenever the tide tries to pull me away. He is my best friend. A better friend to me than I am to him. He is patient when my bossiness gets out of control. When we promised in sickness and in health I don't think either of us thought we would be here today.
We don't break promises.
My promise, to all of you, is to continue to love an appreciate all of it. The highs and the lows. For this is life. And I am thankful for every moment of it
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
211- In Treatment
Doug accompanied me to my treatment appointment yesterday. It is strange to be going to the oncologist office only once every 3 weeks, but it is nice to receive treatment and have zero side effects.We had a sit down with Dr. Rasch to go over what my next steps are, as far as treatment goes. He felt it was a good time to begin my Tamoxifen regimen. Doug was shocked to learn that I would be on it for 5 years. But considering the amazing results it produces in people like me, I am thankful it is available.
When it comes to Breast Cancer I have the good and bad kind all mixed together. Mine is invasive - which means it spreads quickly, but it is also estrogen and HER2 positive, which means there are treatments other than Chemo that help keep it at bay.
On another note, we have serious hair growth going on right now.
Not sure if it is curly or straight, but it is safe to say that it is grey.
If you had the pleasure of knowing my father, you will notice that I not only inherited his crazy cowlicks, but that sweet grey patch he had up front. When my older sister Andrea saw it she said,"your hair looks just like dads!" Which kind of makes me want to keep it this way...
Have you thought of what you are Thankful for this year? My list is long, and growing each day. Can't wait to share it with you on Thursday.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Day - 209 - Uncle
In order to get from a zero cup to any noticeable breast size one must go through expansion.
Expansion, in my career, is a great thing. It means we are growing our business, adding new stores. When expansion stops my blood runs cold, and I start looking around for another place to work.
I am counting the minutes for my personal expansion to come to an end. Since we are trying to get my reconstruction completed before radiation begins we are in express expansion mode.
We are trying to get to my desired cup size in half the amount of time.
And I have never experienced so much pain in my entire life.
Never.
I would give birth to my 3 children all over again and it would not even come close to the pain after each "fill".
Only one more to go, and then we are all going to have to hold hands and agree that my bubbies look just fine.
Surgery for my soft, fluffy implants is scheduled for December 22nd.
Best Christmas gift ever.
(oh and hopefully a trip to the Rose Bowl)
Expansion, in my career, is a great thing. It means we are growing our business, adding new stores. When expansion stops my blood runs cold, and I start looking around for another place to work.
I am counting the minutes for my personal expansion to come to an end. Since we are trying to get my reconstruction completed before radiation begins we are in express expansion mode.
We are trying to get to my desired cup size in half the amount of time.
And I have never experienced so much pain in my entire life.
Never.
I would give birth to my 3 children all over again and it would not even come close to the pain after each "fill".
Only one more to go, and then we are all going to have to hold hands and agree that my bubbies look just fine.
Surgery for my soft, fluffy implants is scheduled for December 22nd.
Best Christmas gift ever.
(oh and hopefully a trip to the Rose Bowl)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
