Day 228 - Who's the bigger boob?

Over the last 228 days an overwhelming abundance of amazing things have been said, written, and thought about me. 

But every once in a while incredibly stupid things have been said too.

"I hope they caught it in time"
"I never want to get cancer"
"How long do you have to live?"

As crazy as those interactions were, what happened last night took the cake.

I was out with Doug and happened upon someone I have met before, but I reintroduced myself since he didn't seem to be able to place me. 

"Ken" replied, "oh yeah you are Doug's wife, the one with cancer".

And without pausing to take a breath he said.

"Are you going to go for bigger boobs?"

I felt like Cindy Brady looking at the red light.  I just sat there, staring, not blinking, not knowing what to say.

I consider myself a pretty smart, witty person.  But I had nothing.  The gaffe was so phenomenal I could not believe it was happening, in real time, to me.

So I simply walked away.

For those of you wondering, no I am not going for bigger boobs. 

But rest assured, they will be spectacular.

Day 227 - Hi, my name is Dawnn and I had cancer...

Awkward cancer moment #342

My new boss started this week.  Officially.  We have had a few meetings together over the last several weeks, but today was the first time that we were able to sit down together one on one.

We dove right into business - she wanted to know where she could support me, etc, the usual new boss stuff.

At the end she asked me if there was anything else, so I offered, "we should go over where I am with my cancer treatment..."

Blank stare...

"You have cancer?"

Blink, blink, blink.

"Um, I thought you knew..."

blink...

"You would be surprised by what I do not know."

small laugh

"Do you seriously think I would choose to wear my hair this way?"

So I gave her the cliff notes version of where I have been, and what is next regarding my treatment. 

Then I showed her the photo of my office full of balloons and told her, "the team you are working with did that for me".

And then she cried.

I think we are going to get along just fine.

Day 226 - Trust

A week after I was diagnosed, Doug and I kept a previosly scheduled appointment with our lawyer. We had finally shamed ourselves enough to create a trust for our children, as well as our advanced health care directives.

I have always been one to love irony, but the timing was ridiculous.

For years I have joked to Doug to, "Drive safe" since it is my firm belief that if he were to leave me a widow no one in their right mind would want to take on a 40+ year old woman with 3 small kids.

He asked me how long it would be before I cleared out everything in the garage, to which I replied, "about 30 days".

Once I got cancer, this became a little less funny.

Actually a lot less.

Because in all previous scenarios I was the one who got to live.

Day 225- filler up

Had my last fill today.

I think I am as happy about that as I was when I had my last chemo.

I promptly came home,put my jammies on, threw back some pain meds, and here I will stay for the remainder of the night.

My surgery is on for the 22nd, and I will be thrilled to have this part of the process behind me. And trust me, it is a process.

Somedays it gets really overwhelming.

I walked passed someone today and envied how carefree their day must be compared to mine. I let that thought pass through me and out. No need for such thinking to linger. It really isn't going to do me much good.

But it is there.

We already had so much on our plates; careers, young children, our relationship with each
other, our friends and family.

I didn't have time for this whole cancer thing.

Day 224 - A perfect morning...

Harper takes a trip to Pete's Coffee with Daddy.  Brings home treats for everyone.

Bundle up and drive out to our favorite Christmas Tree farm.

Tractor ride out to the "North Pole"

Visit with Santa.  Whisper toy requests in his ear

Run around looking for just the right tree

Cheer as Daddy cuts it down.

Sit by a bonfire roasting marshmallows and making smores.

Choose a new Christmas Ornament.

All before noon.

Day 223 - Christmas Lists

I sat down with each of the kids today to write out their Christmas Lists.  Graham wants Lego's, and a skateboard.  Harper is hoping for a playmobile serpent and a $50 T-Rex (?).  Harris will be lucky to get anything other than coal in his stocking, but if he can somehow pull off an upset there may be a monster truck with purple flames underneath the tree for him this year.

My favorite Christmas, from a loot perspective, was when I was in 3rd grade.  My father had been making a desk for a family "friend" for about a month.  He even asked my opinion on a few details.  I remember wishing the desk was for me, and was super surprised when on Christmas morning it was waiting for me. 

This is also the year that my sisters and I got our own phone, and phone number.  I am sure this was more of a  gift to my parents more than us.

My favorite Christmas, from an experience perspective, is the year we all piled into our van (kids born in the Southern California 70's, you remember the van years), along with our Uncle, and drove from California to Oklahoma.  I swear my mom drugged our food because I don't remember any part of the drive, just the fun we had all being together.

It was also the last year that I was the youngest Grandchild.  Being the youngest, I got to open my presents first - which was awesome. 

I hope we are creating great memories for the Eikenkids.  Sometimes I wonder what they will remember.

This year I am sure it will be the loot.

Day 221 - freshman

I ran into my freshman year dorm roommate tonight and it was like breathing in fresh sunshine.

We probably had not seen each other since we graduated in 1992. Sure we had kept tabs on each other over the years, Facebook helps that a lot, but seeing each other in the flesh and blood is really different.

What surprises me the most is that someone who lived with me when I was eighteen is not only still speaking to me, but genuinely excited to see me.

I knew that she had lost her father in the last year to cancer, and that her mom was recently diagnosed with a reoccurance of breast cancer. Somehow what I write here in this blog has helped her, and for that I am forever grateful.

Frankly I get so much more out of honestly portraying my experience with cancer than you can imagine. It is not always easy, it is not always funny, but it is always how it is.

Probably much like living with me in 1988.