I can still remember all of the details of where I was when my mother first called me to tell my my father had Pancreatic Cancer.
It was September 1996, Doug and I were living in New York, and I had never felt so far away from my family in my life. In November I would be back in my childhood home taking care of my father as my mom tried to lead a normal life. By March, he would be gone. At only 53.
I often say the two smartest things I have done in my life were to marry Doug and to take time off from work to just be with my ailing father. We never discussed dying, didn't even really talk about cancer much. I made a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches, took a lot of walks, and simply spent time with him.
His mantra while fighting cancer was, "one more day", hoping to string those along forever.
He has missed out on a lot. He never met his grandchildren, he didn't get to grow old with my mom, he didn't see me beat cancer.
I think about him every day - strangely my own cancer has brought me so much closer to him. We are now sharing something that I could have never imagined. The only difference is I am the one lucky enough to get the JV version of cancer - the type he had was of the Varsity sort.
So to all of you lucky enough to still have your dad in your life, I envy you. But don't be sad for me, I had the greatest dad in the world.
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I love this picture of your dad. He was so handsome and this really captures it. You are a trooper! It is hard work going through chemo, working and raising a family. You have youth and good health (aside from all this crap) on your side. I have no doubt that you are on the right side of the odds. Yeah, the people that can't muster quitting smoking and eating healthier etc to help themselves out it just boggles the mind. I love your approach with people too! Just address the elephant in the room and get it over with and if you can talk about it and make jokes they certainly need to loosen their ties and relax. At the same time you are scaring the bejeezus out of them. You are the walking talking poster of what could happen to them tomorrow. They don't want to think about it and there you are ... Most people think of cancer as a result of bad living, smoking, drinking too much, poor living conditions and mostly it happens to somebody else. There you are the girl next door, athletic, healthy, young and stricken with the Big C. Live large and proud, laugh and show them you are Bossier than Cancer!
ReplyDeleteHi Dawn, I'm a teacher friend of your mom's from way back. I even attended your wedding long ago. I am a big fan of your dad, and he is still alive in my memory. Luckily, you also have your mom. I'm a big fan of hers also. There is a lot of love in your family and you have a great future ahead. Your blogging indicates that you are a fine writer. Thank you for sharing your experience and courage. Now, I'm a fan of yours too. Best wishes...
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