Day 338- the end

We head home from our vacation in the morning, and I am feeling connected to my life and my family once again.

Yesterday was the funeral for my friend "S". I really wanted to be there, but as I explained to a mutual friend "S" would understand that I needed to continue to focus on healing with my family.

I thought about her all day, as I swam, and swam, and swam with the kids. As I dove to the bottom of the pool with Graham, as I had underwater tea parties with Harper, as I tossed Harris from my shoulders. I thought of her children, and how they would likely give everything they had to have one more day like that with their mom.

So I honored "S" by loving my children, by burning the memory of today deep inside my brain. They may not remember the details of the day, but they will remember how they felt. How much their mother loves them.

I also woke up yesterday feeling, for the first time since she died, that our fates were not intertwined, that cancer was going to stay in the rearview mirror for me.

And as much as I am not ok with it, with her dying at 42 with two young children, I have to be ok with what my life will continue to become. With the chance I get to grow old(er).

It is a privilege, my life, every bit of it, and I will forever be grateful to have known my friend, "S".