Day 254 - resolute

I am not one to make resolutions.

Perhaps I have come to a point in my life where I don't do anything in extremes.

Or perhaps I am just lazy.

At a dinner party last night I was asked what being diagnosed with cancer has changed in our lives.

For me it hasn't been a single major shift, but small gradual ones.

I try not to rush through experiences.
I try to be a better listener.
I try to be a better mother.

On Saturday we took the kids to our usual Christmas Eve candle light service at the Unitarian Church, a little tradition we began back when Graham was a baby.

I sat, with Harris in my lap, and Doug, Graham and Harper behind me.  At one point I turned and looked at all of them, and felt big giant Hollywood tears plop out of my eyes.

Really, it was just like that.  No quivering chin, no snotty nose, just big beautiful tears.

I was so grateful to be there, to have that moment with them.  Even when the candle wax burned Harper's leg and she screamed like an axe murderer was chasing her...

I love all of it, the Christmas Eve's and the messy parts in-between. 

I want to be here for all of it.

So in 2012 I will resolve to be one thing.

Healthy.