Day 197 - Why me?

I have been struggling a bit lately. 

For the last 190 days we have had a pretty clear picture of what was ahead of us. 

Chemo.   Check.

Bilateral Mastectomy.  Check.

Possible radiation.  Check.

In the mail today arrived a thick packet inviting me to join a clinical trial for people with a similar diagnosis as mine.  I respectfully read through the paper work, but when I got to what the trail exactly entailed I was less than enthusiastic.

Let's just say it is a 5 year commitment to taking a drug every day.  On top of everything else.

And that's when it hit me...again.

This is really happening.  This really is my life.

And so I cried.

I cried because:
I am the one with cancer. 
I am the one who will be considered for clinical trials. 
I am the one who will visit the Dr. more than anyone I know.
I am the one with an IV port in my chest. 
I am the one who lost all her hair. 
I am the one who lived through 16 rounds of chemo.  
I am the one with expander's that are more uncomfortable than you can imagine.
I am the one with 3 kids who I am determined to see grow up. 

But who else if not me?