The Great Wall

I am not sure when I started wanting to go to The Great Wall of China. I think it started when I used to travel to Asia back in the 90's for my job.  All I know is it has been on the top of my list of places to see before I die for as long as I can remember.

When I was sick my list sort of disappeared.  What I became hyper focused on was my family.  I wanted only to be with them.  To live long enough to see them fulfill their dreams became my number one priority.

And I thought if I died I would not be disappointed that I missed seeing things in the world, I would simply be devastated that I was leaving my children much too early.

I was lucky enough, at 40, to feel as if I had seen more than most.

Except for one place.

I really wanted to see The Great Wall of China.

I thought if things got really dire, I would do whatever I could to get there.  I had visions of taking the Eikenclan on some sort of pilgrimage to this one place I have wanted to see for as long as I could remember.

Somehow the universe I travel in landed me there today.

It was completely and utterly imperfect.  And humbling.  And more than I could ever imagine.

On my way down I decided to sit here:

I told the group I was with to head down off the wall without me.

I just wanted to sit and take it all in.

Alone.

This was a very personal accomplishment.  The importance of the moment was only known by me.

So I sat in this spot, thankful for light mist mixing with my tears.

Thankful that I had a moment to myself.

Over 20 years I have wanted to sit here, to see this Wall.

I didn't want to just check it off a list, I wanted to remember why this became so important to me all those years ago, before cancer ever entered my life.

What I realized was that this place just seems impossible.

For as far as the eye can see the Wall just goes, and goes, and goes.

And maybe that was what has always drawn me to it.

Maybe I wanted to feel something that goes on forever.