Day 426 - It's time

I have been contemplating the end of my blog for a while now.

Tomorrow is my last treatment.

And as scared as that makes me feel, considering that all my follow-up appointments will be to make sure that cancer has not come back, it is time to put this behind me.

What is shocking is what that nurse told me, over 400 days ago, is coming true.

I do not think about cancer every day any more, some days it feels like it happened to someone else.

But I guess I will always carry the scars to prove it was real.

When this all started, Doug made me promise him that I would be open about what I was feeling.  I used this blog as a way to communicate to the universe what cancer is like.

Most days I felt that the universe was listening.  But I am not sure if I was as honest as I should have been.

As fun as I tried to make this whole cancer thing seem, it was hard.

Like mind numbingly hard.

I spent days thinking I was not going to see my children grow up.  Thinking my mother would have to live through any parents worst fear, wondering what would happen to all my hopes and dreams.

Then I watched my oldest friend survive a parents worst fear.

And then I saw a friend not get to see her children grow up.

As my heart kept beating.

As my cells kept dividing.

As the earth continued to spin.

I questioned what it all meant, what the point of any of this is.

And then I healed.

I feel more centered now, more calm.

I am ready to leave cancer behind me.  Crumpled in the corner like a discarded pair of old socks.  We are both tired of each other.

So thank you faithful readers, thank you for following this story, for propping me up during the hardest days.

It is time now to put this all behind us.

It is time now to Heal and Deal.