Day 36 - 7 days

I think it has taken me the better part of 7 days to get back in the game.  My second round of Chemo really knocked me out.  Some moments I felt better than others, but it really got me down for a few days.  The thing with Chemo is it is cumulative...which is a big word for saying it just builds up and builds up in your body.  I am starting to feel and see the side effects.

So my Bossiness was at a bit of a lull.  But that is ok because I know I have a Bossy Posse behind me each and everyday.  It includes the neighborhood moms who take my kids for extended play dates, the lifelong friends that deliver dinner to our door, the meaningful conversations I have with new and old friends alike, my sister and her friend cooking us all breakfast on Sunday morning.

You all have no idea how much I feel your love, your thoughts, your well wishes each and every day.  I am totally humbled by it all.  Know that I am thinking of you, and thanking you as I go to bed each night.  This is not going unnoticed.

So with you all behind me I decided to get busy and bossy today at work - wore all black with a scarf my mom gave me, put on my favorite new platform shoes that literally make me about 6'4.  Strutting my bald self to a meeting and crash, bang, boom, pop goes the strap of my shoes.  Instead of looking like a confident chemo patient, I was hobbling along "campus" until my industrious friend and colleague found some duct tape and a stapler to rectify the situation.

Moral of the story - be bossy, take help when you need it, and get back in the game.

d

Day 35- Medical Insurance is good...

But you need an MBA to keep track of it all.

We spent the better part of the afternoon sorting through 34 days worth of medical bills.  Lets just say that if my treatment is going to last for 5 months - we are looking at well over six figures in coverage.  Well over.  Sure we will be out of pocket a significant amount of money, but it is nothing compared to what we would be facing without it.

Doug is in charge of matching up the bills with the bills.  I have zero capacity for such projects cancer or no cancer, I just can not wrap my head around the medical communities billing practices - nor insurance companies.  But I am thankful for both.

d

Day 32 - Auntie Kristy saves the day

As much fun as I had at chemo on Tuesday, the next two days really stunk.  Imagine getting hit by a school bus, sprinkle in some food poisoning, and a dollop of exhaustion and you get what I am talking about.  Chemo sucks the life out of you, while at the same time it is trying to give you your life back.  I appreciate all the hard work chemo - but I wish you would take it a little easier on me next time.

I am vertical for the first time in 48 hours so that is a good sign.  My hair is falling out in earnest.  Remember the scene in The Breakfast Club - Ali Sheedy's character making it snow...I can do that too!  Except my snow looks like those little chocolate jimmies the kids love on their ice cream cones.

Auntie Kristy came over last night and played with the Eikenkids while I slept, and Doug had a night off to go play a round of golf with some friends in from California.  She also brought a huge bag of candy - which I know I am not supposed to be eating, but when your mouth tastes like metal, a lemon head is an excellent remedy.

Glad I am on the other side of my Chemo this week- and that my next one is not scheduled until June 10th.  Need to work on getting my bossy back. 

Like they say at LIVESTRONG there are good days and great days - here's to today being a great day.

d

Day 29 - 2 down - 14 more to go

Now that was a fun chemo treatment - really it was.  I got to catch up with one of my dearest friends - we made fun of my LAME admitting nurse, was told by my Dr. very matter a factly that my tumor was already shrinking, and that he didn't really feel anything in my lymph nodes anymore, and we had butterscotch candy (my FAVORITE).

So the tumor thing was great news - it just shows that the chemo is working.  Dr. K feels that by the end of these 4 treatments it will pretty much be gone.  So yes I did ask why do I then follow it up with 12 additional treatments - bonus chemo as I like to call it.  It's a great big insurance policy he said- so fine I will sign up for it.

I am already fantasizing about the vacation we will take at the end of this all, and Oregon Football games in the fall, and the cute short hair cut I will be sporting for a while. 

Only 14 more treatments to go

Day 28 - Pre Chemo Jitters

Last time we went in for chemo I was worried about the emotional aspect of it.  Would I break down at the sight of the chemo chairs, would it bring back memories of sitting with my dad in the hospital, would I fit in with the other chemo kids.

The reality was a little easier - there were 3 other people receiving treatment, all women.  It was obvious that I was the newbie.  Tomorrow will be different.

One of my oldest friends is going to be there with me. 

My maid of honor, my best friend through college, the responsible one.  She has been my secret weapon for 20+ years, solid and steady.  Like all friendships ours ebbs and flows with life; husbands, careers, kids - and now cancer.  Never did we ever think we would be sitting in an oncologists office, with one of us on the receiving end of this type of cocktail. 

We should be sitting in a great restaurant, sipping a cocktail.

But I couldn't ask for a better chemo buddy tomorrow.  She will come prepared with great stories, embarrassing magazines and a big steady heart.  She will face cancer head on with me.  She is my bossy back up just in case I need it.

Bossy and ready for chemo.

d

Day 27 - "Friday Night was so great, we didn't even talk about cancer"

You can not imagine how good that feels.  I even spent the weekend sort of forgetting about the whole thing.  I wonder if that nurse would once again accuse me of being in denial.  The reality is, I don't want everything else in my life to take a back seat to the dreaded C.

I am really not a cancer expert, sure I know more than the average Jane, but I realize that each conversation I have about it is not just about me, but about how other people feel, or think they would feel facing the same thing. 

I get a lot of questions as to how I found out, did I feel the lump, was there pain associated with it.  What I typically tell people is no matter what your family history (and we have none), don't leave your heath up to your hopes and fears.  Or for that matter, what a person with cancer is telling you about his or her experience.    Each case is different, if you haven't had your checkup, annual exam, mammogram, colonoscopy, etc get to the Dr and have yourself checked out.

Bottom line, I am glad I felt a lump, and didn't ignore it.  Trust me you really can.  And I am glad that I headed the words of someone who I confided in that cancer was one of my greatest fears.  He told me, 'you are an athlete, you will know when something is going haywire in your body, and you will take care of it".  He was so right. 

Life is short people, don't waste it fearing the unknown, get out their and advocate for yourself.  No one else will - and if someone ever calls you Bossy, take it as the highest compliment.

d

Day 25 - "You have a gorgeous heart"

Now anyone telling you that would be an amazing gesture.  But let me tell you, hearing a cardiologist tell you that while performing an ultra-sound on your heart is the best time to hear positive words about your most important organ.  No less than 3 Dr's came into the room to admire my lovely vessel.

Who knew?

I guess all the healthy living has paid off somewhere - my blood pressure is super low, and my heart apparently looks like a 1990's supermodel.  Oh la la.

My heart has always been my dominate organ. I go with my heart in most decisions. It lead me to U of O. It caused me to marry Doug, at the ripe old age of 21, having only known him for a year. It has lead my career decisions. In short my heart deserved some kudos, not just for being beautiful, but also for being pretty damn smart.

It is also what tells me each and every day that we are going to get to the other side of this cancer thing.  It reminds me that I need to open my heart to all who want to enter it.  I am going to stop trying to protect it from the weird, the demanding, or the just too sentimental.  My heart can handle it all.

I have been hiding it for too long.  The word is on the street - she is gorgeous.

Full of Love and Bossiness.